Film Feature: The 10 Worst Films of 2014, By Spike Walters

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Average: 5 (2 votes)

Star5. “Before I Go to Sleep”

Before I Go to Sleep
Before I Go to Sleep
Photo credit: Clarius Entertainment

This poorly paced potboiler is packed to the brim with unpleasantness. It’s a lobotomized amnesiac thriller that plays out like a third-rate rip off of “Memento.” Facial invalid Nicole Kidman plays a woman with short term memory loss after an accident. She knows who she is, but forgets everything after the accident after 24 hours. Her long suffering husband (Colin Firth) must remind her with post it notes, pictures, and other evidence – as Kidman tries in vain to show some kind of emotion beyond a strained pout. A movie with two former Oscar winners has no right to be this bad, or this dumb. “Before I Go To Sleep” is utterly forgettable.

Click here for the full review of “Before I Go to Sleep.”

Star4. “Blended”

Blended
Blended
Photo credit: Warner Bros

Adam Sandler has reached the state of his career when even lesser entries such as “50 First Dates” begin to look a lot better, compared to whatever piece of excrement he’s peddling to audiences this week. “Blended” re-teams Sandler with Drew Barrymore, and while the chemistry is still there, it’s served with a healthy dose of racism, bad computer graphics, pained slapstick, and just plain slovenly performances. Sandler and company take a safari to Africa and somehow seduced Sony Pictures into paying for it. This laugh-free catastrophe is not even memorably bad…it’s just plain bad.    

Click here for the full review of “Blended.”

Star3. “The Expendables 3”

The Expendables 3
The Expendables 3
Photo credit: Lionsgate

The old man as action hero genre has officially hit rock bottom with this third entry in Sly Stallone’s creaky action series. What sets “The Expendables 3” apart is how incompetent it is – despite a cast list that reads like an all-star list of 80’s action stars. Say what you want about Stallone, but as a director he at least knows how to put together a decent action set-piece. In contrast, director Patrick Hughes never met a green screen he didn’t like, and slices and dices up the action like a third-rate Michael Bay. By no, everyone’s too old for this shit. This third entry is truly expendable.

Click here for the full review of “The Expendables 3.”

Star2. “As Above, So Below”

As Above, So Below
As Above, So Below
Photo credit: Universal Pictures

Two things I have come to loathe at the movies are found footage films, and “Paranormal Activity”-style non-thrillers that threaten to bore their audiences to death, with jump scares amid an ocean of banality. “As Above, So Below” combines them into an excruciating combination. It’s a story of the world’s dumbest scientists teaming up with underground artists to explore the ancient catacombs beneath Paris. Like the explorers, this movie never should have seen the light of day.

Click here for the full review of “As Above, So Below.”

StarNumber One. “Left Behind”

Left Behind
Left Behind
Photo credit: eOne Entertainment

While “Left Behind” is admittedly more of a hoot than “As Above, So Below,” it’s undoubtedly a more incompetent movie from beginning to end. From the wooden acting, cheap-looking sets, indifferently-staged action, and hands down the worst-looking plane crash on film in history, this supposedly big budget adaptation of the best selling Christian book series winds up being worse than the Kirk Cameron original version. A couple of howling Nicolas Cage moments aside, the film doesn’t even have the courage to embrace the Oscar-winner’s scenery chewing abilities. Why cast Cage in an apocalyptic Christian disaster movie at all, if you’re not going to let him go wild? The movie reportedly cost 20 million dollars to make, precious little of which ended up on screen.

Click here for the full review of “Left Behind.”

To directly access the film reviews of Spike Walters, Contributor for HollywoodChicago.com, click here. For “The 10 Best Films of 2014, by Patrick McDonald of HollywoodChicago.com, click here.

HollywoodChicago.com contributor Spike Walters

By SPIKE WALTERS
Contributor
HollywoodChicago.com
spike@hollywoodchicago.com

© 2014 Spike Walters, HollywoodChicago.com

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