‘Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale’ Substitutes Elves With Zombies

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Rating: 3.0/5.0

CHICAGO – “What you are about to see now may traumatize you for life.” So reads a warning near the beginning of Finnish filmmaker Jalmari Helander’s 2005 short, “Rare Exports: The Official Safety Instructions.” The film was a clever follow-up to his 2003 effort, “Rare Exports Inc.”, which seemed to milk its one-joke premise for all it was worth.

The “exports” of Helander’s films are in the form of bloodthirsty Father Christmases hunted and tamed by reindeer herders near Korvatunturi mountain, which the film bills as the “land of the original Santa Claus.” Who are these gray-haired, unclothed, rawly animalistic creatures? Why are they filled with such fearsome rage when a nearby mortal mildly misbehaves? In the side-splitting yet genuinely eerie “Safety Instructions,” these alleged “Father Christmases” seemed to be little more than elderly zombies.

Now Helander reveals their origins in his feature debut, “Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale,” a handsomely photographed yet naggingly aloof prequel of sorts that reveals the fantasy’s roots in Scandinavian mythology. In purely technical terms, the film is a triumph for its rookie director. Yet even at a brisk 80 minutes, the film proves that there’s not very much left to explore in this material. The film shifts between Spielbergian awe, gimmicky horror and tongue-in-cheek satire with remarkable ease, but fails to resonate as anything other than a quirky genre exercise. It isn’t bound to traumatize any adult viewers, except those expecting the stereotypical American definition of a Christmas tale. “Rare Exports” is easily the most galvanizing holiday-themed curiosity of the season, which is quite a distinction considering this season also gave us a 3-D version of “The Nutcracker” featuring Albert Einstein, Holocaust allegories and Tchaikovsky’s legendary music set to lyrics. “Rare Exports” is no “Nutcracker”-like travesty, but it’s certainly no instant classic either. With gun-toting tykes, disemboweled animals and a heaping helping of full frontal male nudity, the film elicits considerably more unease than enchantment.

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale was released at the Music Box on Dec. 24.
Photo credit: Oscilloscope Pictures

The film’s desolate arctic landscape, elegantly lensed by Mika Orasmaa, is its greatest asset. It’s a world that seems to be entirely populated by men who must rely on hunting for survival. If you stay outside too long, you run the risk of getting gobbled up. Much of the film is viewed through the wide-eyed perspective of young Pietari, played by Onni Tommila, who’s noticeably older here than he was in “Safety Instructions.” His inquisitive gaze has become fixed on the nearby looming mountain where a team of excavators have unearthed an ancient corpse that’s not quite dead. Their mysterious discovery sets off a series of unfortunate events. The local reindeer wind up slaughtered, thus cutting the hunters’ food supply severely short. A multitude of potato sacks vanish from the community, along with many of it youngest inhabitants. And it’s just about around this point that the first naked old man shows up, looking like Robert Duvall’s body double in “Get Low.”

Is this Santa Claus…or merely one of his helpers? Regardless, it’s clear that this creature is a far cry from the one Clement C. Moore envisioned. “The Coca Cola Santa was a hoax!” Pietari surmises. After fervent research, the kid realizes that the real Father Christmas doesn’t reward the nice but punishes the naughty, sometimes by “spanking them to pieces.” In this case, seeing is definitely believing. Once the adults trap a zombified “elf” (Peeter Jakobi) and observe it for themselves, they devise a brilliant plan: sell the supernatural being back to the scientists who excavated it, thus covering their losses. Of course, the elf has other ideas…

Peeter Jakobi and Per Christian Ellefsen star in Jalmari Helander’s Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale.
Photo credit: Oscilloscope Pictures

This is all playfully diverting without ever being truly compelling. It’s essentially a well-crafted zombie movie with a handful of seasonal undertones. Helander sports a true gift for pacing and tone, but his subject matter has worn thin over the past seven years (I’m eager to see a non-“Export” in his near future). His imagery is memorable not so much on its own terms, but because of what it evokes. The film pays homage to a variety of horror classics, from “The Thing” to “Night of the Living Dead,” while stealing the iconic final shot from “Raiders of the Lost Ark.”

What ultimately brings the film to life is the tenderly observed tough love dynamic between Pietari and his father Rauno (wonderfully played by Jorma Tommila). When the gruff Rauno chokes back tears after realizing that his small family may not be able to have a Christmas dinner, the film briefly unearths the human drama beneath its self-congratulatory cleverness. “Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale” solidifies Helander as a director to watch, though moviegoers are advised to seek out his short films online instead of paying full price to see this extended encore on the big screen. At least now we know what “The Night Before Christmas” may have looked like if it was remade by George Romero.

By MATT FAGERHOLM Staff Writer HollywoodChicago.com matt@hollywoodchicago.com