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Blu-Ray Review: ‘I Love You, Beth Cooper’ Inspires Nothing But Hate
CHICAGO – Chris Columbus is not a filmmaker renowned for his use of subtlety. He seems incapable of telling a relatable human story without relying on his trademark brand of sophomoric slapstick. I was surprised that Macaulay Culkin didn’t pop up in Columbus’s “Rent,” and start hurling paint cans at the characters during their “Seasons of Love.” Even at age 51, Columbus is still an unruly child at heart.
That’s why his best films are the ones aimed at children, such as the original “Home Alone” or the first two “Harry Potter” installments. But when he attempts to reach an older audience, the results are often disastrous. And in an era of exceptional adult comedies, “I Love You, Beth Cooper” is a flat-out embarrassment.
Blu-Ray Rating: 1.0/5.0 |
This film proves that any source material can be drained of its humanity. The script was written by Larry Doyle, who based it off his own acclaimed debut novel. His intention was to write a satirical commentary on teen comedies, cramming in all the cliches typified by 80s classics (most obviously those from the late John Hughes). Perhaps this seemed clever on paper, but on film, the “plot” resembles a crude cut-and-paste job, devoid of any subversive wit. The characters barely have time to register a tangible emotion because they’re too busy racing through homages of everything from “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” to “Porky’s.” What’s worse is that the characters feel as artificial as the set-pieces.
I Love You, Beth Cooper was released on Blu-Ray and DVD on November 3rd, 2009.
Photo credit: Fox Home Video
Paul Rust stars as Denis Cooverman, a nerdy valedictorian who decides on a whim to profess his “love” for his long-time infatuation, the ever-unobtainable Beth Cooper (Hayden Panettiere), during his graduation speech. He then goes on to say exactly what he thinks about the rest of his peers, and his lines are just nasty enough to fleetingly build promise for the picture. Could this be a scathing high school satire in the tradition of “Election”? No such luck. The film immediately derails after its opening scene, and by the 20-minute mark, it’s officially dead. That’s when Beth shows up at Denis’s door, and decides to show him the Best Night Of His Life. Of course, poor Denis must endure an unending series of humiliations before he can plant a kiss on Beth’s perfect, Clearasil-laden face.
I Love You, Beth Cooper was released on Blu-Ray and DVD on November 3rd, 2009. Photo credit: Fox Home Video |
But Denis doesn’t mind. That’s because he’s the kind of geek destined to be on “Beauty and the Geek.” Though Beth sees him primarily as an object of ridicule, Denis pretends he can see into her soul. “You’re better than that,” he tells her, after she swaps spit with a store clerk (Samm Levine, wasted yet again) in exchange for beer. Such lines are entirely unearned, since Denis clearly knows nothing about this girl, and clearly wants to get into her pants. His “heartfelt” observations are so unconvincing that they earn unintentional laughs, especially when he says, “You’re the most alive person I know.” That’s after Beth playfully drives him down a dark wooded road without headlights, thus demonstrating that the filmmakers are completely oblivious to the numerous deaths resulting from such “playful” behavior.
I won’t even go into describing Beth’s two vacant BFFs, or her militaristic nutjob of a boyfriend, or Denis’s closeted gay buddy (whose obnoxious penchant for spouting movie quotes is meant to illustrate the film’s pop culture savviness), or the raccoon that attacks with an animatronic mouth (but fails to utter “Chaos reigns”). As an honest cinematic slice of teenage life, this film makes “Superbad” look like “Rebel Without a Cause.”
“I Love You, Beth Cooper” is presented in 1080p High Definition (with a 1.85:1 aspect ratio), and is accompanied by English, Spanish, Portuguese and French audio tracks, which prove that the dialogue fails to amuse in any language. Though the disk jacket promises a certifiably “Outrageous” alternate ending, the actual scene just serves up more slapstick silliness, though it does save the viewer from having to endure the original’s sickly sweetness.
By MATT FAGERHOLM
Staff Writer
HollywoodChicago.com