Horrible ‘We’re the Millers’ Wastes Huge Potential

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Rating: 2.0/5.0

CHICAGO – There was a point in “We’re the Millers” when the story fell off the table like a Slinky from a mountaintop. It’s as if other writers took over from a far superior dark comedy, and injected “heart” and middle age “stripping.” This all adds up to a difficult 110 minutes of lost life time.

What began with decent laughs and with Jason Sudeikis rattling off fast-talk dialogue like he was in a demented Howard Hawks movie, turns into a domestic comedy of the stupidest order, with an idiot plot that defies logic, gravity and star power. Jennifer Aniston does the obligatory last “rebellious” role as a stripper who never takes her clothes off, before she is destined for mommy roles or another sitcom, playing a mommy. The rest of the embarrassed cast – with attention particularly paid to Ed Helms and Luis Guzmán – trot out the lame situations with the low energy of tree sloths. This stuff has visible beads of sweat on its brow, and in desperation ends with some outtakes which just put an unfunny cherry on top of the crap cake.

Jason Sudeikis is David Clark, a burnt out smalltime pot dealer who never found time for a wife. He needs to collect 400 bucks from his neighbor Rose (Jennifer Aniston), a stripper at a club where no clothes past the underwear is shed. The menagerie of the rest of the apartment building includes a tense 18 year old Kenny (Will Poulter) – whose mother is never home – and Casey (Emma Roberts), the resident homeless runaway.

Rose (Jennifer Aniston), Kenny (Will Poulter), Casey (Emma Roberts) and David (Jason Sudeikis) in ‘We’re the Millers’ Photo credit: Warner Bros.

Besides Rose owing David money, David owes his pot distributor Brad (Ed Helms) some big bucks, and is broke due to some street thugs stealing both his stash and money. Brad offers David a way out. If he can transport a “smidgen” of marijuana from Mexico, his debt not only will be forgiven, but he would be paid extra. This motivates the small timer to recruit Rose, Kenny and Casey as his fake family, as he figures an RV with a typical family unit would most likely be allowed through a border check. Nothing can go wrong, can it?

What will amaze you about this film, if you’re unlucky enough to experience it, is that the first 20 minutes or so is a complete black comedy. Sudeikis is a hoot with his I-don’t-care demeanor of a slovenly pot dealer, and spits out indictments regarding his circumstance with the swiftness of a insult comic. There is some achingly hilarious stuff, including a description of the type of haircut he needs to pull off “Dad.” Who wrote this part, and why were they gagged and kidnapped? The screenplay credits list four perpetrators. Who was the dark storyteller knight?

This is because the film goes a completely different direction, and the laughs shut off like lights during a blackout. It reverts to the idiot plot, in which any smart move from any character would deny the “comedy” that the story sweats hard to produce. So instead of a hopeful satire against the idiocy of the American picket fence dream and its fakery, the film switches gear to dumb sex jokes, angry Mexican drug lords and visual gags including a “There’s Something About Mary” rip-off. Kiss the funny goodbye (literally, in an awkward family kissing scene).

Sudeikis, and his character demeanor, suddenly switches to real “Dad” mode, which is disheartening considering the beginning of the film. Jennifer Aniston, perilously close to the give-me-a-close-up-but-not-too-close part of her career, can’t handle the stripper role, it was damn silly to give it to her. She didn’t have the chops to pull it off, and seems self conscious the whole way through. It must be incredibly difficult to be a woman in Hollywood at a certain age, and find decent roles. Jen should really should just raise a middle finger – as all the characters do at some point in the story – and take her “Friends” money and run.

The Fitzgerald Family (Molly Quinn, Kathryn Hahn, Nick Offerman) in ‘We’re the Millers’ Photo credit: Warner Bros.

The supporting roles go missing. Nick Offerman, who gets the nod of being in every film this year, sleepwalks through an authority role similar to what he had in last year’s “Casa de Mi Padre,” in which he was far superior. Kathryn Hahn, recognizable from best friend roles in other films and TV’s “Parks & Recreation,” is incredibly dumb as Offerman’s wife, portraying a character whose idea of funny is to spout inappropriate jokes about her private parts. Her time on screen is actually painful.

And how better to end dreck like this than to have an outtake reel? In one supposed-to-be-hilarious prank, the crew substitutes music playback with the theme from “Friends.” Jennifer Aniston sits there with the appropriate look of embarrassment, but it would have been sweet for her to say, “I’ve banked 50 million bucks doing that show, and you saps are in this movie.” Game. Set. Match. Aniston. Oh wait, she’s in the film as well.

By PATRICK McDONALD Senior Staff Writer HollywoodChicago.com [email protected]