Even Kids Might Run from ‘Walking with Dinosaurs 3D’

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Rating: 2.5/5.0

CHICAGO – “Walking with Dinosaurs” depicts the magnificent titular creatures in stunning realism and 3D vision, and then proceeds to give them line readings with the equivalent sophistication of Archie comics. This adds up to an educational film with a long, dull journey ahead.

This is geared towards the kiddies, with a flight of fancy that becomes teeth-gnashingly stupid for their adult companions. Its heart is in the right place, as an annoying bird guides the audience through the Cretaceous Era by properly naming all of the species, yet the idea that the production had to “entertain” its young audience with a silly Dino-Shakespearian fight for power – softened for the youthful sensibility – just wasn’t compelling. The kid fidget factor, unless the moppet is a junior scientist, might top out at eleven.

The film starts out with a live action segment, as Uncle Zack (Karl Urban, using his Dr. McCoy voice from “Star Trek”) takes his niece and nephew to a archeology site to sift for dino-bones. The nephew is a sulky teenager, but his surly mood is turned happy by a magical bird named Alex (voice of John Leguizamo), who proceeds to tell the youth about his feathery roots in the Cretaceous Era of the dinosaurs, and begins to narrate the ancient story.

Patchi (voice of Justin Long) Meets Alex (John Leguizamo) in ‘Walking with Dinosaurs 3D’ Photo credit: 20th Century Fox

It centers around Patchi (Justin Long), a runty dinosaur in a large herd, with an alpha-leadership by his father. He has a larger but lunk-headed brother named Scowler (Skyler Stone). Their species is a migrating herd, and they make the journey to Southern climates every winter (which the film oddly makes fun of in the end). When the father is killed in battle, the two brothers must determine who will take over the leadership role. This is further complicated by the fair female named Juniper (Tiya Sircar).

John Leguizamo is the voice of Alex the Bird, and he is fast going into a Robin Williams mode – too many voiceovers, too few good scripts. His bird is like a desperate stand up comedian at the Ha-Ha Hut, throwing out lame jokes between explanations of dinosaurs species (which actually are helpful). As the film lumbers on, there is a wish for his disappearance into the food chain, preferably with one gaping chomp.

The story joins the lame parade by trying to contextualize the dinosaurs into the golly-gee-whiz silliness of what adults think kids like. Justin Long’s interpretation of the Patchi character inspires voodoo fantasies with the plush toy spinoff. The frat boy persona of Scowler has absolutely no originality, so much that the brotherly confrontation has a “who cares” quality to it. And even though the lady Juniper is the same size and style as her male counterparts, she must by princess definition be subservient to them.

What saves the film somewhat is the spectacular rendering of the dinosaurs, and the scenery attached to them. The elements – fire, water and sky – are so realistic that it’s a disservice to merely call this animation, until the pronto-Flintstones type humor comes out of the thought dialogue. That’s right, the lips of the animals never move – again to the production design’s credit.

Patchi Learns About Survival in ‘Walking with Dinosaurs 3D’ Photo credit: 20th Century Fox

To reference the film “Saving Mr. Banks,” the stop-the-movie educational segments use the atmosphere and talking bird as the “spoonful of sugar” that helps the facts go down. It’s like a textbook has come to life, and through Alex the Bird making fun of the tiny arms of another dinosaur species, the kids in the audience won’t forget those tiny arms. It’s not enough to overcome the grating story, but in trying to pay attention, you might just learn something.

Dinosaurs and kids are like peanut butter and jelly – great together in small portions, but gummy with too much indulgence. With apologies to Bill Maher, it motivates a new rule. When an animated film features John Leguizamo as a narrator or character, wait for the free TV showing.

By PATRICK McDONALD Senior Staff Writer HollywoodChicago.com pat@hollywoodchicago.com