Director Uwe Boll Pukes Out Another Opus of Insufferable Screen Time in ‘Postal’

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HollywoodChicago.com Oscarman rating: 0.5/5CHICAGO – At the Chicago screening of “Postal” for critics, director Uwe Boll introduced his new film as a personal “The Kentucky Fried Movie” attacking the heart of America. Boll – a German national – has produced several “B”-grade movies in both Germany and the U.S. However, “Postal” is his first attempt at writing and directing within the American market.

Postal
“Postal”.
Photo credit: MovieSet

Including “Postal,” his last few films have all been notorious cinematic adaptations of controversial video games. Boll’s opening rant prior to the “Postal” screening offered his personal disgust for this forced and depraved genre.

Poking fun at himself and his filmmaking, this charismatic director expressed his political angst and outlandish humor to the audience and had them laughing and commiserating before the screening even began.

I initially took this as a good omen and my previous notions of “B” cinema began to quell. That said, Boll’s final remark “if you were all drunk, you will like it” became an accurate adage of the film’s overall character.

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This film offensively opens with two terrorists flying a plane and arguing over the amount of virgins they will each receive in Paradise. They end up settling the dispute by calling Osama bin Laden on the phone and are both perturbed that the number is less than they had originally thought.

Therefore, they change the plane’s direction for the Bahamas. While the plane changes course, the angry mob of American passengers storms the cockpit and the plane crashes into the World Trade Center. This commences Sept. 11, 2001 and sets the tone for a despicable, 109 minutes of cinema.

From Sept. 11, 2001 forward, the film continues in a downward spiral of shock-and-awe obnoxiousness. The story begins with the “Postal Dude” (Zack Ward) facing a bad turn of events in his trailer park town of Paradise.

From finding his obese wife cheating on him to a horrendous job-interview process at the “Gluttco” corporation to a shootout at the welfare office, Postal Dude seeks out his Uncle Dave (Dave Foley).

Postal
“Postal”.
Photo credit: MovieSet

Uncle Dave is the leader of the “Organic Monotheism” cult where he parades around fully nude and has daily orgies with silicone followers.

Together, uncle and nephew devise a plan to steal the impossible-to-get, Tickle Me Elmo-esque “Crotchy Dolls” (shaped as anatomical body parts) and sell them on the Unternet for astronomical prices.

As their plan is paralleled by the Taliban, the two groups show up at the “David Hasselhoff Concentration Camp playground” where the dolls are being unveiled to steal the highly sought-after toys.

A shootout ensues and hundreds of children are shot and killed while playing at the playground.

Zack Ward in Postal
Zack Ward in “Postal”.
Photo credit: MovieSet

The shooting continues for the rest of the film and hundreds if not thousands of absurd rounds of ammunition are expelled.

Avian flu, atomic bombs and solidarity are the main themes throughout this opus of insufferable screen time while nausea seems to be the only thing you take with you when the film comes to its nuclear holocaust of a closing.

If the synopsis alone isn’t enough to disgust you, misfired jokes about the handicapped, concentration camp victims and Sept. 11, 2001 are meant to make you politically active. In reality, though, all this does is cause your jaw to disengage.

More blood and guts than anything since the last “Saw” was most likely intended as a parody for all the violence and gore in American films. Once again, though, Boll’s attempt at making Americans laugh is unsuccessful and only adds to an already open mouth and gastric stomach.

The efforts at political satire and taboo topics can be commended for bravery and the meshing of a video game into a movie can also be recognized in accuracy.

Still, the overall distaste of this feature has quite possibly earned “Postal” the rights to a new movie genre much further along in the alphabet than the letter “B”. “Postal” is a film I have placed at the bottom of my list and can only hope to forget.

“Postal” opens in theaters nationwide on May 23, 2008.

HollywoodChicago.com staff writer Allison Pitaccio

By ALLISON PITACCIO
Staff Writer
HollywoodChicago.com
allee@hollywoodchicago.com

© 2008 Allison Pitaccio, HollywoodChicago.com

Xaur's picture

Well, you do have the right to not see it again

That said, Boll’s final remark “if you were all drunk, you will like it” became an accurate adage of the film’s overall character.”

—Simply not true.. I was at the screening you were at, so was a friend of mine.. We both thoroughly enjoyed the movie and were 100% sober. What YOU failed to mention in your rant, was there were many people in that room that got up to shake his hand, talk to him afterwards, thank him for the movie and ask for autographs..

“This film offensively opens with two terrorists flying a plane and arguing over the amount of virgins they will each receive in Paradise.”

—- I thought it was a good spin on the events… Don’t always 100% believe what you’re told from a very biased media… besides.. it’s a movie.. lighten up. Did you cry foul and murder in the children’s movie Bambi when his mother was shot?

“the film continues in a downward spiral of shock-and-awe obnoxiousness.”

—- Well, you do certainly have the right to not see it again.. However, as a movie reviewer, you have the power to ruin people with your extremely biases opinions, that quite honestly don’t always line up with others…

“Boll’s attempt at making Americans laugh is unsuccessful and only adds to an already open mouth and gastric stomach.”

—- I guess you’re saying ALL Americans who saw this didn’t like it? Hmm… Again, you failed to mention the laughing during the movie, the requests for autographs afterwards, etc.. Try being a little more non-biased in your reviews…

I loved the movie and I still have the shirt from it.. if I had thought about it, I would have asked for an autograph myself, but I didn’t think it was polite until we were on the way out and saw others doing so.

I give you a big thumbs down, mostly to your lack of ability to truly review movies..

Anonymous's picture

You’re an idiot. Leave

You’re an idiot. Leave your teen-angst paranoia about your government out and stop defending a film from a man who thinks ‘close to the bone humour’ means mindlessly spewing out generalisations. Jaw-dropping is not a synonym for funny.

Xaur's picture

No name?

Nice… you’re so proud of your statement you can’t even be bothered to log in or create an account…

Anonymous's picture

Don’t be an ass. Just

Don’t be an ass. Just because her review was different than your opinion doesn’t mean it was bad, or that she is a bad critic.

Xaur's picture

missing the point

you’re totally missing the point…. leaving out things like how many others in the screening liked the movie is kind of a big deal when stating that people don’t like the movie — that IS bad reviewing and shows personal bias.

if she has the right to comment on the film and the director, then I have the right to comment on her ability to review.

Brandon's picture

and...

random anonymous poster has the right to post anonymously and call you an ass.

Anyhow, she reviewed the movie, not the audience reaction after-the-fact.

“Oh, people are shaking Uwe’s hand… I’ll write a good review now.”

Doesn’t work like that.

I’m glad you liked the movie though, good on you. You should write a counter-review. (Possibly include how some people didn’t like the movie afterwards?)

Xaur's picture

Futile

This is like debating with a wall…… if you look up far enough, you’ll probably see the point of my post leaving a contrail over you.

““Oh, people are shaking Uwe’s hand… I’ll write a good review now.” Doesn’t work like that. ”

—wow.. you’re missing the point as well… I’m not saying write a Good review.. I’m arguing for a complete review. An unbiased review.

“random anonymous poster has the right to post anonymously and call you an ass.” —- I have 0 respect for “anonymous” posters… They’re usually the source of unintelligent and incoherent ramblings. If one has an opinion, say it.. with your ID..

“You should write a counter-review. (Possibly include how some people didn’t like the movie afterwards?)” —- I wouldn’t have so much of a problem with this review if it did actually include the details, like, how many people at the screening enjoyed it.. But, it conveniently leaves out those details.

HollywoodChicago.com's picture

Wide release of 'Postal' canceled!

Postal” director Uwe Boll announced to us moments ago that the wide release of his film on May 23, 2008 has been canceled due to a boycott. Read our news story on this development here.

Anonymous's picture

Who the hell cares?  you

Who the hell cares?  you were just looking for an excuse to put your metrosexual photo on the page

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