Video Game Review: ‘Duke Nukem Forever’ Misses Target Audience

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CHICAGO – By now you’ve probably read that the long-anticipated “Duke Nukem Forever” is a total disaster, a glitch-heavy, poorly-written exercise that would have been disappointing as DLC but is downright insulting as a standard release. I really wanted to be able to give the game a pass, to report that critics have been too hard on it. Some of them have — it’s not the worst game of the year — but it’s a definite disappointment on multiple levels.

Video Game Rating: 2.0/5.0

I think the critical response to “Duke Nukem Forever” has been amplified by the juvenile sense of humor of the game, which mistakes being over-the-top and offensive for being clever. You know that kid in elementary school who thought the word poop was funny? He wrote this game. I’m a big fan of dark humor but “DNF” just isn’t funny. There’s a difference between crude and humorous. I’m sure the developers thought it was clever when they came up with the “Turd Burglar” achievement, which one gets by grabbing a piece of crap out of a toilet, but, like nearly every joke in the game, it just doesn’t work.

Duke Nukem Forever
Photo credit: 2K Games

It’s almost as if the writers of “Duke Nukem Forever” thought that they had to update their anti-hero for a new generation by making him more offensive than he ever was in previous incarnations. Sometimes it’s embarrassing, like when you literally have a level in which you have to get the ingredients for a lap dance at Duke’s club — popcorn, a vibrator, and a condom — by searching the premises. Chris Rock was wrong. There is sex in the champagne room if you have Pop Secret.

Duke Nukem Forever Photo credit: 2K Games

In the world of “Duke Nukem Forever,” the title character is a larger-than-life celebrity — the kind of guy who gets blown while playing a video game version of his world-saving adventures against alien invasion. Shortly after that opening scene, Duke is called into action when the aliens attack again and the rest of the game consists of a few puzzle-solving elements and a few vehicle levels, but mostly just a lot of firepower meeting interstellar ass. The weaponry is reasonably varied but Duke can only carry two at a time — it’s just one of many elements that hints at a title not quite on par with other modern shooters.

Visually, “Duke Nukem Forever” is ghastly. The game has framerate issues that would be unacceptable if the poor quality of the entire presentation didn’t make them so predictable. To be blunt, this title would look horrible in 2005 much less 2011. It’s a mess with boring character design, non-existent backgrounds, and some of the most awkward animation in years. There are times when I wondered if the poor aesthetic was intentional, as if the game was trying to remind us of old shooters like the original “Duke” games but I don’t think that’s the case. And these graphics would have been bad back then.

The poor graphics wouldn’t be so glaring if the game played better. Enemies are predictable and boring (or, in the case of some boss battles, insanely difficult) and the shooting/cover mechanic is remarkably ill-conceived. Like a lot of modern games, Duke regenerates health (or, in this case, Ego) if he can avoid fire but the cover system is inconsistent. It makes for a lot of running and hiding, not exactly heroic qualities for an alpha male like Duke.

Duke Nukem Forever Photo credit: 2K Games

Nearly everything about “Duke Nukem Forever” feels outdated. The load times between levels (sometimes in-level) are insane for 2011. It sounds like a minor complaint but when every element of a game feels like it was barely done before it was released, they add up. The game keeps shooting itself in the steel-toed boot. Even if you try to give it a pass, something like a 30-second load time reminds you that you can’t.

“DNF” also includes a poorly-conceived multi-player section that feels even more incomplete than the rest of the game. Inconsistent play in a single-player campaign is one thing but when you’re getting your ass kicked by an actual competitor because of poor graphics making combat difficult or weak level design, it’s even more frustrating.

Does “Duke Nukem Forever” do ANYTHING right? I will admit that, like listening to a bad heavy metal band, the game’s ugly qualities almost work if you play it long enough. Yes, I’m saying that you have to play the game to the point where you don’t care about the graphics, bad writing, or poor storytelling, but we’ve all seen B-movies that hooked us if we gave them long enough, and “Duke Nukem Forever” is the bad B-movie of video games. It’s almost intentionally awful and if you embrace it as the ugly duckling of modern shooters it could work for you.

It took so long for “Duke Nukem Forever” to come out that it became a punchline in the industry. It almost feels as if the developers set the bar so low after the many delays that quality never became a concern. If the game came out at ALL, that’s all that mattered. With so many other great titles out there this month alone, just existing isn’t enough.

By BRIAN TALLERICO Content Director HollywoodChicago.com [email protected]