A Story So Scary They Told it Twice: What We Know About Upcoming Horror Remakes

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CHICAGO – The total number of horrendous, stupid, useless horror movie remakes could fill a film festival from Hell, but this year we’ve already seen the massively successful “Friday the 13th” and the critically lauded surprises of “My Bloody Valentine 3D” and “Last House on the Left”. Maybe there’s actually life in this horror remake trend after all and it’s not just the walking undead.

So, what’s the next “My Bloody Valentine”? Where will the next “Friday the 13th” come from? We’ve highlighted six horror movie remakes in current stages of production - from mere rumor to shooting to practically already at a theater near you - with the details about what we know so far, who’s in it, and our gut feeling on if it’s going to be a successful reboot or merely a reason to go back and rent the original. Hit rewind and take notes. There might be a quiz.

The Birds
Photo credit: Universal

“The Birds”

Original: 1963, Alfred Hitchcock, Tippi Hedren, Suzanne Pleshette, Veronica Cartwright

Remake: 2011, Martin Campbell, Naomi Watts, produced by Michael Bay

What We Know: After doing remakes of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre,” “The Amityville Horror,” and “Friday the 13th,” Bay is moving on to “The Birds” and the man who helped define the horror genre. Naomi Watts has circled the project a few times but has yet to officially sign on to the Hedren role of Melanie Daniels. Martin Campbell (“Casino Royale”) has been rumored to direct.

Collider recently spoke to Bay’s production partners, Brad Fuller and Andrew Form, and they confirmed that Watts and Campbell were still interested and even revealed that the director had been working on a script. They expressed reverence for the original, saying, “…that’s not a movie that we’re just going to step up and just go have birds attacking people and trying to throw that into the box office. If we can’t make that movie unique or add something to it, I don’t think we’re going to make it.”

Little about the plot or tone of the remake is known, but actress Brenna Lee Roth recently revealed, as reported by Oh My Gore, that the film might be in 3D. Considering how well that worked for “MBV” and the tongue-in-cheek fun it could bring to a tale of killer pigeons, this is actually the best news we’ve heard about this particular remake to date.

Reboot or Bust?: Campbell and Watts would add a huge amount of credibility to the project with the former having successfully rebooted the Bond franchise and the latter being no stranger to a classic role after stepping into Fay Wray’s shoes in the “King Kong” remake (and just generally ruling). The Bay/Form/Fuller track record offers no confidence, but a 3D Naomi Watts is something we’re definitely interested in seeing.

The Creature From the Black Lagoon
Photo credit: Universal

“The Creature From the Black Lagoon”

Original: 1954, Jack Arnold, Kay Lawrence, Richard Carlson, Julie Adams

Remake: 2011, Breck Eisner (“Sahara”), producer/screenwriter Gary Ross (“Seabiscuit”)

What We Know: Not a lot. The remake vultures have been circling the classic “Creature From the Black Lagoon” for years with rumors of another version going back to the end of last century. But it’s built up steam again in the last few years. In fact, Eisner was nearly packed up and ready to go and shoot it when the writer’s strike happened and the poor creature went into development hell.

There was little word post-strike, but Latino Review reported at the end of last year that Eisner was off the project but it was moving forward anyway with talks taking place with other directors. They even suggested that writer/producer Gary Ross, whose father Arthur actually wrote the original film, had mentioned the possibility of an all-CG monster. And we all muttered “Jar Jar Binks From the Black Lagoon”.

Ross himself emailed Ain’t It Cool shortly thereafter and said that Eisner was still attached, they were moving forward and “I PROMISE the creature will not be some weird CG invention that disappoints his loyal fans.” Well, that’s comforting.

Reboot or Bust?: Gary Ross has struggled to produce quality entertainment in the last few years and Breck Eisner isn’t exactly the kind of director we’re praying stays ON a project but if this is done well, it could really work. Our bet is that Universal is waiting to see how the reboot of “The Wolf Man” does to see if there’s still life in their classic horror flicks. “Black Lagoon” could be the first one to follow the hairy fellow.

The Nightmare on Elm Street
Photo credit: New Line

“A Nightmare on Elm Street”

Original: 1984, Wes Craven, Robert Englund, Heather Langenkamp, John Saxon

Remake: 2010, Samuel Bayer, Michael Bay producing

What We Know: The latest reboot/pillaging of your favorite ’80s franchise after the mega-successes of “Halloween” and “Friday the 13th” is Freddy Krueger himself. In fact, the film has set up offices here in Chicago, where it plans to do a lot of the filming. Michael Bay is back with Platinum Dunes, his production company, and partnering with New Line to reboot another franchise. Yippee.

The reboot was announced in early 2008 in Variety and, almost immediately, we started to get nervous. Shock Till You Drop reported that Robert Englund was out, leaving the mind reeling at who could possibly take on such an iconic role. Freddy is not just a lumbering hulk like Leatherface or Michael Myers. Englund gave the character life.

Things were silent on Elm Street for most of 2008, until December when Brad Fuller (Bay’s producing partner) told Bloody Disgusting, “It’s like what we’re doing to Friday the 13th. It’s not Freddy cracking jokes. We want to make a horrifying movie. The concept is so scary, don’t fall asleep or you’ll die. This guy gets you when you’re most vulnerable, in your sleep. We love that. That’s the basis of the movie. It’ll be most similar to the first one but in terms of kills and dreams we’ll borrow from the entire series.”

Wesley Strick (“Cape Fear,” “Doom”) has reportedly written a screenplay and pre-production is underway.

Reboot or Bust?: Um, Fuller himself compares it to what they did to “Friday the 13th”. You mean suck? There’s so much potential in the “Elm Street” franchise that we’re not going to completely discount it, but the Bay/Fuller/Form machine has yet to make one single remake that worked. Why will this be the exception?

Piranha
Photo credit: New World Pictures

“Piranha 3-D”

Original: 1978, Joe Dante

Remake: 2010, Alexandre Aja

What We Know: The crazy S.O.B. who made “High Tension,” “The Hills Have Eyes,” and “Mirrors” turns his Gallic gaze to the story of fish who like to eat people. The original “Piranha” gave Joe Dante and James Cameron (he directed the sequel) a career and was the stuff B-movie dreams were made of.

Trying to make a dime off the “Jaws” phenomenon, the original is about genetically engineered killer piranhas that devour the poor residents of a small town. It’s bad but in a great way. A tongue-in-cheek 3-D remake seemed both inevitable and kind of a fantastic idea. Sadly, “Piranha 3-D” appears to be in a state of limbo, even though a casting breakdown recently went out from a script by Aja and his writing partner Gregory Levasseur.

Aja told MTV last month, “We pushed production back to spring for weather reasons and location reasons. There’s so many problems that we’re going to have to solve. After doing a movie with mirrors where it was kind of like a nightmare to avoid all the reflections, making a movie in 3D underwater and on the water is going to be the biggest challenge.”

Reboot or Bust?: The same article implies that Aja plans “Piranha 3-D” as an ode to Dante, Cameron, Tobe Hooper, and Wes Craven. If he lives up to that intention, this could be the remake of 2010.

The Stepfather
Photo credit: New Century

“The Stepfather”

Original: 1987, Joseph Ruben, Terry O’Quinn

Remake: 2009, Nelson McCormick, Sela Ward, Dylan Walsh, Penn Badgley, Amber Heard

What We Know: If you only know Terry O’Quinn as John Locke on “Lost,” get thee to a video store or a Netflix queue and check out “The Stepfather,” a truly creepy slice of domestic horror loosely based on the life of mass-murderer John List. The tagline - “The All-American family…he’d kill for it.” - says it all.

After two awful sequels, “The Stepfather” went the way of other ’80s horror franchises like “Fright Night” and “Child’s Play” until a remake was announced by Screen Gems slated to come out in time for Halloween this year.

The perfectly-cast Dylan Walsh (“Nip/Tuck”) takes the Terry O’Quinn role and the child who knows their mother has married the VERY wrong man is now a boy named Michael (“Gossip Girl“‘s Penn Badgley). Amber Heard co-stars and Sela Ward plays the mother-in-distress. NBC TV vets Christopher Meloni (“Law & Order: SVU”) and Sherry Stringfield (“ER”) co-star with direction by Nelson McCormick.

Reboot or Bust?: Walsh has been domestically creepy for years on “Nip/Tuck” and that supporting cast is good, but why do we have that “When a Stranger Calls” feeling about this one? Oh, that’s right because it’s from the same director as the abysmal “Prom Night”. We hope it lives up to the potential of the concept and cast, not the pedigree of its director.

The Wolf Man
Photo credit: Universal

“The Wolf Man”

Original: 1941, George Waggner, Claude Rains, Bela Lugosi, Lon Chaney

Remake: 2009, Joe Johnston, Emily Blunt, Hugo Weaving, Anthony Hopkins, Benicio Del Toro

What We Know: What don’t we know? “The Wolf Man” is high on our list of the most-anticipated films of 2009. Emily Blunt was born to be in a Universal horror remake and Benicio Del Toro always had a vaguely werewolf thing going on. With great actors like Anthony Hopkins and Hugo Weaving in the supporting cast and buzz very high on this one, it could easily be the best remake of the year.

To be fair, The Wolf Man has had more than its share of drama. The film was announced three years ago with Andrew Kevin Walker (“Seven”) attached to the screenplay. Mark Romanek (“One Hour Photo”) was the first director attached but he left due to “creative differences”. According to The Hollywood Reporter, it looked like Brett Ratner might replace him and the studio reportedly also spoke to or considered Frank Darabont, James Mangold, Bill Condon, and Martin Campbell before settling on Joe Johnston (“Jurassic Park III”), who brought in David Self (“Road to Perdition”).

Reboot or Bust?: The long production process, two writers & directors, and general blah feeling we get from Joe Johnston is off-set by the premise and cast. We’re ready for another era of old-fashioned horror. Bring ‘em all back. The Wolf Man, Dracula, Frankenstein, The Mummy (and, no, those Brendan Fraser movies don’t count) - it’s time for another trip around the horror icon block.

By BRIAN TALLERICO Content Director HollywoodChicago.com [email protected]